when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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