My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
two words: eviction party
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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