i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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