Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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