so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
