I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
