the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
