I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
