i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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