i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
