My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
