from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
