I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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