He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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