Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
