The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
