I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
