my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
bring money and cleavage
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
