I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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