Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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