I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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