he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
