if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
