so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize