Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
