I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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