yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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