omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
