I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
