i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
