She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
