that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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