i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
