White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
