My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize