if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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