Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
