dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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