We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
