Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
