She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
