I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
