saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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