I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
honey bunches of taint.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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