i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
