just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
