i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
