I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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