I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
