Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
