It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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