u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize