On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
