Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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