Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
