covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
