he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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