I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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