I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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