So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
