I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
