True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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