I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
