Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize