i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Bring me that man meat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
