your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
