the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
