Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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